


What's the Point?

by gendakoujirou



Category: Love Live! School Idol Project
Genre: Depression, death mention
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-20
Updated: 2015-01-20
Packaged: 2018-03-08 09:07:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 829
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3203681
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gendakoujirou/pseuds/gendakoujirou
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Those thoughts kept repeating themselves in your head. They were so loud, almost deafening.</p>
            </blockquote>





	What's the Point?

“Nozomi Tojo, wake up right now, young lady!! You’re going to be late!!” Your mom yelled from downstairs.

But you were already awake. Your eyes were burning from the lack of sleep. No matter how hard you tried, you couldn’t fall asleep.

“Nothing really matters.”

“You’ll die eventually.”

“Nobody needs you.”

“Who cares?”

“What’s the point?”

Those thoughts kept repeating themselves in your head. They were so loud, almost deafening. But you had to ignore them. In the end, there was someone who was going to punish you if you listened to them. And the voices of your friends are more important. Right...?

 

Your name is Nozomi. You are 18 years old. And every day, you are constantly tormented by these thoughts repeating themselves in your head.

 

At least you got out of bed and got dressed and cleaned. You thought to yourself. Way to go.

But there was a long day ahead. Walking to school was the next hurdle you had to jump over. And there was gonna be a ton of others. Nothing really matters.

Suddenly, you fall to the ground and scrape your knee and hands. You happened to be dragging your feet, which made you trip over a sidewalk crack. When you got up, you noticed that blood began to stream from your hands. But you didn’t feel any pain. It just felt numb. But you didn’t mind. You’ll die eventually.

When you got to school, you headed down to the office like you usually do. You take your small vice president badge from the cloth on the wall and pin it on your shirt in the exact same place as always. It always felt so rigid, so lifeless. But you did it anyway, god knows why.

“Hey, Eli.” You said, putting on your trademark fake smile. “What can I do today?”

“Hey Nozomi.” She greeted you back with her soft, happy voice. Like she was actually happy, and enjoying life as much as she could. Every time you heard it was surreal. You didn't understand it, quite frankly. “I actually filed all the clubs’ requests, scheduled the group’s next live show, and the announcements are all ready. You don’t need to do any work today.”

“Ah, you’re a hard worker. Try to take a break sometimes though, it’s not very healthy to work so hard.” You smiled wider. She smiled back as you turned to leave. You knew it was useless to tell her that though. She would keep working as hard as ever, and she would keep working until she no longer needed a vice president. But it was fine. Nobody needs you.

 

After an exhausting day of receiving papers, moving the tip of a pencil on top of them, then giving them back, you we're ready to just go home and sleep for 15 hours, or maybe forever. But unfortunately, you still had practice with your group. Jumping around and singing while wearing frilly costumes... You didn’t really see any point to it. Honestly... Who cares?

“Heeey, Nozomi!” Honoka’s cheery voice sang as you entered the auditorium. How could she be so happy? You fake smile at her, hoping that was satisfying enough.

“Ready for practice?” She grinned from ear to ear. Normally, you would’ve lied to her. But doing so has been getting more and more exhausting. Everything has been getting more exhausting.

“Mmm.” You mumble. Well, it wasn’t a lie.

She tilted her head. She seemed skeptical.

“Nozomi, is something wrong?” she asked you. You could’ve lied... But honestly, lying and faking it is more exhausting than telling the truth. You had to tell someone sometime.

“Honoka...” Your fake smile disappeared as you looked her in the eyes, “What’s the point?”

She looked at you confused.

“Why are we doing this? Singing and dancing for crowds of people who we don’t know... I just don’t know. Why do we exist? Why do I exist?” you ask, without breaking eye contact.

She smiled again, but differently this time. She looked toward the everyone on the stage, doing their stretches.

“Well... It’s different for everybody. Kotori, she makes all of our costumes, and she believes it’s a way she can show her talent. Rin does it because she thinks it’s fun, dancing with all her friends. Hanayo, she likes the way everyone’s personality and beauty is shown on the stage when we perform. And me? I like to believe I make others happy by singing and dancing.” She looked at you again, “But... It’s okay if you don’t know why yet.”

You sigh. You really didn’t know why you did these things.

“You don’t have to practice today. You can take the day off if you want.”

You look at her surprised.

“Really?”

She nodded. You smiled at her slightly. But it wasn’t fake this time. You hope she noticed.

“Thank you, Honoka.” Turning and walking out the door, you begin your long, arduous journey home. Perhaps she really did care, maybe.


End file.
